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by river_chan



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, fuckkkkk, how the fuck do you write kohaku's dialect, kinda rushed sorry, our homeboy having an existencial crisis, same, what the fuck is a himeru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27685451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/river_chan/pseuds/river_chan
Summary: Thrown off, Kohaku squinted his eyes at the man in front of him. Yes, it was the same golden eyes, pastel blue hair, the same body type. It looked like the HiMERU he knew, but… It also didn’t. From his posture, his expression, even the sound of his voice, while eerily similar, it wasn’t the same.
Relationships: HiMERU/Oukawa Kohaku
Kudos: 27





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**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is pretty rushed but I wanted to post smth before I have to go on a hiatus...
> 
> Uhhh some notes for this bc he don't know shit about OGmeru yet, although I tried to keep it vague (Akira plz feed us we are starving)
> 
> \- I just called OGmeru Himeru without the funky spelling™ bc I have no clue what his name could be and like. Will we ever find out? If we do then I'll probably update this. If I remember this exists. Maybe I'll just burn it. idk
> 
> \- I took creative liberty (aka rhjgikerudfgvk) with OGmeru's personality and stuff. I just made him so he'd contrast well with our homeboy Kaname idk
> 
> \- I don't know shit I just had this on my mind and decided to write it byee

On his way to the training room that Crazy:B was going to be using today, Kohaku thought about his unit mate, HiMERU. He had acted rather off the other day, but he’d refuse to say anything if asked. Kohaku was determined to get the truth out of him today though.

He glanced at his phone to see the time, he was a few minutes early, but it should be fine to enter the room already. HiMERU normally comes way too early, too, so he’s probably already inside. That’ll give him an opportunity to ask him what was going on.

He opened the door and, as he guessed, HiMERU was already inside, waiting.

“Oh, hey there, Kohaku-san!”

Hold up. Did he just hear that right? Did he just call him Kohaku-san? HiMERU never refers to anyone by their first name, and never uses any honorifics, on anyone. Why now suddenly?

Thrown off, Kohaku squinted his eyes at him. Yes, it was the same golden eyes, pastel blue hair, the same body type. It looked like the HiMERU he knew, but… It also didn’t. From his posture, his expression, even the sound of his voice, while eerily similar, wasn’t the same.

“Who are ya ‘n what didya do to HiMERU-han?” Kohaku snapped.

HiMERU (?) let out a short chuckle, which only took Kohaku aback further. “Well, that was fast.”

“Wait, ya really ain’t him then…?” the shorter male asked, to which the man in front of him sighed.

“I told him to tell it to you guys himself, but he refused, so guess now I gotta do it…” he spoke, more to himself than Kohaku, “I really don’t know how to explain it, though… We should probably wait until the rest of our unit arrives, so I don’t have to repeat myself.”

“What ya mean, ‘our’ unit? _HiMERU_ -han is part of Crazy:B, ya ain’t!”

The blue-haired man sighed again, even louder this time. “This is why I told him to explain it himself, but nooo… He’s such a stubborn dumbass sometimes…”

Kohaku tilted his head. “Is that fella yer talkin’ about HiMERU-han?” He nodded. “Where’s he?”

“Actually, I find it horrible that he doesn’t tell you himself, I don’t even know where to start, so,” he grabbed Kohaku by his wrist, “come with me, I’ll bring you to the HiMERU you know, and he’s gonna explain this all to you.”

“HiM- I mean, whoever you are! Don’t jus’ grab me like that!” but despite his objections, the man that looked like HiMERU pulled him along with him. His grip was incredibly weak, Kohaku noticed, but it was enough to make him go with him, though really, it was out of Kohaku’s own will, since he really wanted to speak to HiMERU.

The man answered, laughing, “Actually, my name’s Himeru, but without the funky spelling and stuff, just so you know,” as he kept on dragging the younger boy along with him. And before he knew it, Kohaku was sitting in his car.

Honestly, just blindly entering the car of some dude that looks like his friend might not sound like a good idea, but Kohaku was already sitting inside. Plus, while he was suspicious of this person, he didn’t seem like a fishy individual to him.

It didn’t take long until they reached their destination. Skeptically, Kohaku followed Himeru as he opened the apartment door. Upon entering his home, the man called out, “Kana-chan, I’m back~!”

A door across from the entrance, down the hallway, soon opened, and a pair of familiar eyes, this time _really_ familiar, peeked out. “Why are you back so-” He locked eyes with Kohaku upon spotting him. He froze for a moment, “Oukawa?”, and quickly closed his door again, without another word.

“HiMERU-han!” Kohaku shouted, running towards the door, and so did the person that brought him here. But the door was locked already.

“Kana-chan, you really need to explain all of this to your friends yourself, you know? I can’t just suddenly show up and tell them I’m the new HiMERU, no questions asked.”

“No! I don’t want to see any of them ever again!” came from the other side of the door.

Kohaku was confused. What does he mean, he doesn’t want to see them ever again? Have they done anything? I mean, sure, Crazy:B is one chaotic ass unit, but they haven’t done anything to warrant such emotions from it, right? Well, at least not recently. “HiMERU-han, what’s wrong? What did we do?”

Himeru shook his head, sighing. “You guys didn’t do anything, it’s just…” he turned to now speak to the HiMERU behind the door again, “See? They don’t understand what’s going on. You have to tell them. Please!”

After a few moments of silence, they heard the door unlocking, and it finally opened again. HiMERU glared at Kohaku with an expression he couldn’t decipher. He gave another glance to the other man, who took this as his hint to leave.

“…come in, Oukawa.”

Reluctantly, Kohaku did just that and entered the room. It was honestly a mess, clothes and spare papers and more all around the place, which was confusing, since HiMERU never struck him as a messy kind of person, at all.

Silence. Until Kohaku started, “Ya got a ton of explainin’ to do, HiMERU-han.”

“Don’t call me that anymore. That name belongs to the person that you just met.”

Kohaku furrowed his eyebrows, noticing how the man in front of him also doesn’t refer to himself in the third person anymore. “What’s yer name then?”

He didn’t answer for a moment. After averting his gaze, so that Kohaku couldn’t look at him, he finally said, “…Toujou Kaname…”

The shorter boy crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Alright then, Kaname-han, explain what the fuck’s goin’ on!”

Kaname, again, kept silent, as he just stared out the window, his back facing the younger boy. Kohaku was becoming impatient, so he grabbed him to make him look at him, and he gasped. He didn’t expect to see tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Him- Ugh, I mean, Kaname-han, what’s…?”

“I’m sorry, but it’s over.”

“What’s over? Stop bein’ cryptic and jus’ tell me already!”

Kaname sat down on his bed, and Kohaku did the same. It always looked like he was about to answer, but really it was just him trying to hold back his sobs. Eventually, he finally spoke. “I am no longer an idol. HiMERU is. I… never have been an idol. HiMERU was. My brother, he…” his voice trailed off as he cried.

Kohaku didn’t know what else to do, so he hugged the other man. “Hey, hey, it’s okay…” he felt stupid for talking to him like to a little child, but he really had no clue how he should act in this situation. Never has he seen his unit mate act remotely like this. This wasn’t the person he knew…

Kaname took a moment to calm down and collect his thoughts. “I guess I should start from the beginning, huh? So… my twin brother, Himeru, was a really successful idol, but then, because of… _circumstances_ …” his voice grew incredibly sharp as he said that last word, “he had to be hospitalized for quite a while. I knew that the idol known as HiMERU would die if he went on a hiatus for possibly years until he recovers… So I… I figured I needed to step in. I’m his twin, so I just… worked as his placeholder.”

Kohaku slowly nodded as he processed what he was just told. While Kaname was preparing what to say next, he suddenly started sobbing, after seemingly having calmed down before.

He gulped. “Now he’s finally healthy again, and I should be happy, but… I always tried not to get close to you guys, not to get close to anyone, so that I wouldn’t miss you, and yet… Everyone really grew on me, even Amagi, believe it or not. But that’s all over now.”

“No, it ain’t!” Kohaku said firmly, “Yer still a part of Crazy:B, ya know?”

“I am not. HiMERU is.”

“But that fella ain’t the HiMERU-han that we were on stage with, that we spent so much time with! He don’t seem like a bad guy but he ain’t you, he don’t belong to Crazy:B! You do!”

“Why won’t you understand?” Kaname barked, bluntly pushing Kohaku away from him. “It’s over, I served my purpose, now that HiMERU is back.”

“H-Hey, Rinne-han’s still our leader, he gets to decide who leaves and who doesn’t! And I’m pretty fuckin’ sure he won’t let you go!”

Kaname sighed in frustration. “It doesn’t matter, because _HiMERU_ will still be part of the unit. So no one left.”

“Yes, you left!” shouted Kohaku, leaning forward, now also with tears in his eyes, although he didn’t notice it.

Kaname finally broke down screaming. Kohaku had never seen anyone in a state like this before, let alone the so level-headed HiMERU-han he thought he knew. “I never existed, okay? HiMERU did!” he screamed.

“That’s bullshit! How’d I fall in love with someone that doesn’t exist?”

Hold up. Did he just actually say that?

“Oukawa?”

The room suddenly grew uncomfortably silent.

“U-Uh…” Kohaku felt his face burning up upon the realization that he just confessed his love like that. “F-Forget ‘bout that… What I mean is, ya can’t jus’ leave like that! Y-Yer brother can work as an idol again now, that’s great, but yer still part of Crazy:B, ya dumbass!”

Ignoring what Kohaku had just said, Kaname asked “…did you just say you love me?”

Kohaku fell silent, the redness on his cheeks only intensifying.

Kaname let out a chillingly dead chuckle, that sounded like he was about to start sobbing again. “No, of course you don’t… You fell in love with HiMERU, and that isn’t me. But I think my brother is into boys as well, so-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Kohaku closed Kaname’s lips with his. Kaname flinched away from the kiss after he realized what happened, then stared at Kohaku, beginning to blush himself.

“I-I…! I love the person that was always on stage with me… And that’s ya, Kaname-han!”

The blue-haired man was left speechless and just kept on staring, feeling his heart starting to beat faster.

Kohaku suddenly grew embarrassed, after that dead reaction his friend gave him. “U-Um… jus’ forget ‘bout it, this ain’t ‘bout my feelings towards ya! E-Even if I wasn’t attracted to ya, I’d fight to get ya back! And so would Rinne-han and Niki-han! We all love ya! …platonically…”

“Do you really…?”

Trying to move the conversation away from this topic, Kohaku started blurting “Ya know, yer brother can work solo or whatever, and ya just stay with us. What’d be the problem with that?”

“Oukawa… y-you…” Kaname practically jumped at Kohaku hugging him, and the second he felt his warmth, his eyes became a waterfall. “Oukawa…”

Again, overwhelmed by this situation, Kohaku just patted his back, silently, but lovingly.

“Oukawa… do you… really love a placeholder like me?”

“I mean, yeah?” Yeah, romance wasn’t exactly Kohaku’s strong suit, but he's trying, okay?

Kaname didn’t say anything as he just tightened the hug, feeling such incredible relief in holding that pink-haired boy.

He was terrified of having to leave his unit, just being a placeholder, but even though his brother told him that he doesn’t need to leave just because he is back, Kaname refused to listen to a single word. But now that the boy in his arms told him that… He finally listened, and he understood. There had to be ways to coexist with his brother.

He would talk to Himeru about it later, surely, they’d find a solution. But right now, he just wanted to keep holding Kohaku. He somehow felt at peace with him. He was loved. He was loved for who he was, not for who he pretended to be. He cried again, but this time, out of joy.

**Author's Note:**

> Imagine if Kaname told OGmeru once he recovered like "Yeah so the name HiMERU isn't forgotten.... but it's kinda being associated with terrorists now sorry bout that bro"


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